I Always Have a Choice

I'm not gonna lie...these last few weeks have been hard.  But, I can't lie and say that it has been unbearable.  I have had family and friends to help me.  I also have my Heavenly Father, who calms me when I am afraid, holds me when I feel alone, is my strength when I am weak,  and my light in the darkness. 

He has heard my prayers and He is answering them.  He sees into the depths of my wicked and sinful heart and loves me anyway.  He knows each and every secret I try to hide from everyone...and still He loves me.  He knows my doubts, my fears, my every weakness...and still loves me.  He still longs to be with me.  He still misses me when I am not running to Him.  I know I don't deserve His love, mercy and forgiveness.  But, like a beautiful gift, I have it.  I am loved.  I am cherished.  I am made in His image.  I am His daughter.  I am His because He first loved me.  I am so blessed.

Even though this life throws me difficulty (and it has been difficult), even though I feel at times I don't have the strength go on, I know He is there.  He never leaves me. 

In the midst of the chaos of my life, God has given me a gift.  He has given me a desire to get in shape, lose weight, take time for ME.  It is in those times that I feel His presence all the more.  I have been working at this getting in shape and losing weight thing for a while - longer than I wanted.  I am still a work in progress.  BUT - I have made progress.  God is using this running thing I do to teach me things about myself.  Lots of things.  He is showing me that I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I never thought I would be able to run 1 mile .... or 3.1.  He has shown me that I am stronger than I thought. 

This last week I signed up to run in the Chicago Hot Chocolate 5k Run.  I signed up first, sort of believing that I could do this.  I have accomplished something this last week I never thought I could.  I ran 3.1 miles. Not once, but twice!   I proved to myself that I could do it!  I have been so encouraged by those in my life who believed in me more than I believed in myself.  My husband, Scott, has allowed me to run when I get home from work and let dinner be later.  He encourages me to put myself first in this matter.  My kids, Bailey, Mackenzie and Molly have all encouraged me to do the 5K.  Other family members support me.  My nieces, nephews, sisters, mom all support me.

Friends from all over the country have been such an encouragement to me.  Friends in Atlanta, GA, Florida, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, Connecticut, Illinois, and North Carolina to mention a few, all have been such a help.   From training help to comments of support and accountability, it has all helped.

This is a journey for me.  It is more than a 5K, it is more than a race, it is more than getting healthier.  It is a rediscovery of who I am now that my kids are older, now that I have a career, a ministry, a new and different life.  My role of mom, wife and friend is all growing, changing and evolving.  I look forward with great hope and anticipation of what wonderful things God has in store for me....even though it might be difficult.  It is through the difficult times that we grow the most and where God reveals himself to us.  I know I am not alone.  I know God has what is best for me in mind.  I trust Him ALONE.... All of my worries, all my cares, I bring to the Mercy Seat and leave them there....